My eyes are swollen from crying and I could barely get out of bed this morning. It was a rough night.
Yesterday I get home from work, Steven is laying on the lazy boy chair and Allen sitting on the couch. I walk in put my purse on the kitchen counter walk into the living. My little dog greets me, I bend down to pet her and I look up at Steven and say hi baby then over to Allen “hi hun”. Allen of course smile’s and say hey mom Steven says hi too but I can sense something is off. I go sit on the couch next to Allen playing with my little dog talking and giggling with him. I look over at Steven and seems somber… I say to him “Are you ok Steven? What’s wrong?” He says “nothing mom I’m just tiered. So sit I there for a few more minute chatting with Allen, look over at Steven and there he sits eerily silent. I know somethings wrong so I ask again “STEVEN what’s wrong hun?” Allen says “Mom he’s just tired, he just got home from football practice.” Steven looks at me and says “he’s right mom I’m just tired”
My husband walks in from work at this time, there’s a little small talk then Allen’s sponsor shows up and Allen leaves to a meeting. I walk into the kitchen and my husband looks at me and says “WE GOT A PROBLEM HERE.” I knew it… I look over at Steven and said “What’s going on?” My husband begins to tell me that Steven called him earlier in the day angry. He found “SOOT” finger prints all over the walls in the bathroom and on the doors too. We all know what that is we’ve been down this road before, the soot is from smoking heroin. Steven pulled out his phone and begins to show me pictures of what he found. My heart sank. Allen is using again. I walk over to Steven and I put my hand on his face looked him in the eye and say “I’m so sorry hun you had to see that, it must of broke your heart, I shouldn’t have put you in this position.” my chest feels to heavy It feels like I can’t breathe, my heart physically is aching. Steven with his gentle loving soul looks at me and says “what are you sorry for mom, we all made the decision to let him back in and help him, we knew this could happen.” Then he wraps his arms around me and we just embraced for a while not saying a word. I can feel his heart pounding and racing as he takes deep long breaths. He's taken back by the power of Al's addiction, he's not sure what to think. He's dismayed, confused and saddened.
My darling Steven when did he grow up?
A decision was made, when Allen gets home they would confront him. Steven wanted to express what he was feeling to Al, there was no stopping him. My husband was going to make one last plea to him. He either he goes to an INpatient treatment facility OR he had to go. Al was supposed to start an OUTpatient program on Monday. But my husband said at this point it’s not going to work. His addiction has got him so bad that he’s willing to take the risk of losing this LAST chance he’s been given to get high. You see he just got put on probation. The terms of his probation are… random drug testing, outpatient treatment of some sort and random house checks. If he fails to comply they will drop his plea, his original charge will be reinstated and he will be charged with a felony and go straight to jail for 6 month to 1 year MAYBE even longer.
After arguing, lying, pleading, crying and talking to his sponsor he finally admits he used. He agreed last night to go to an inpatient facility. And now we just sit and wait to see if he follows through today. PLEASE PRAY FOR US. I fear he’s running out of options.