Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Motherhood, It's The Most Impossible Love

My favorite quote - "I just want you to understand something about motherhood okay. I mean, it's the most impossible love. You tell me when it ends. You tell me when it stops. All I know is, it's absolutely fine for me to teach you how to walk and talk, and then you grow up and you head off in the wrong direction toward a cliff. And I'm supposed to just stand there and wave and go, "Well, kids, good luck. It's Mom. I'm here. “Well, I can't do that. What am I supposed to do, huh? Am I supposed to just put my feet up at the end of the day and say to myself, "Well, you know, they're on their own. - Diane Keaton (Because I Said So)

Monday (yesterday) we had a therapy session with Allen. Needless to say it didn’t go well, I left there feeling depleted and not feeling like anything was resolved, I feel like he just said what we wanted us to hear.

The therapist ask my husband and I “ is there a concern you have the needs to be addressed?” I spoke up and said “Be honest, RIGHT?” The therapist said “yes yes, let's air it out and talk about it.” I said “Mia his girlfriend… or ex-girlfriend so he says. She is our main concern. She enables him and she has convinced herself that she saved (still is saving) his life by doing this, had she not provide the funds for the drugs he would be on the streets doing God knows what to get his drugs. It scares the hell out of me that they both believe this” (oxymoron, right!).... Instantly Al (the addict) comes out, he is getting upset with me I can tell because his demeanor changed the second I mentioned her name. I could feel his negative vibe, it filled the room. He’s still stuck on the idea of her. WHY? WHY WHY!! It’s like he wants to be right for the sake of being right, even if it means losing everything.

Was I NOT supposed to say what I felt when asked the question??… what does he want from me? 

I’m not good at being a door mat and I’m over this situation. I'm letting it go, it is what it is.

I’m so tired I’M JUST SO TIRED!

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