Thursday, July 23, 2015

Fight or Flight Mode

I saw my therapist yesterday, perfect timing. So much is going on with Allen that I need someone who is not emotionally attached to the situation to give me their feedback, help me think things out logically and to help to easy my nerves. Steve and I have had a lot of time to think about the future and what’s best for Al in his current state. We made a major decisions. It’s the best thing to do for him and the RIGHT thing to do. I know this decision is the best thing for him, but like the true co-dependent I am I’m feeling anxious about it and I’m afraid of his reaction. Will he feel like we don’t want him at home anymore? Will he regress because of it? Will he get mad and isolate him shelf? I can’t handle the “will he’s” and the “what if’s” and I can already feel my body tensing up as I sit and think about it. I have this tiny little head ache that’s been lingering in the back of my head since Steve and I talked about it last week. I can’t handle this stress anymore.

I’m always feeling anxious, ALWAYS!

My therapist said the part of my brain that stores my fight or flight mode is always on fight AND flight. Because this has been so traumatic for me that part of my brain is always “ON”. So simple, doable things still stresses me out because my brain is always in panic mode. We are starting a new type of therapy next week. It’s been proven to work on service men who suffer from post-traumatic stress syndrome. Praying I can handle it because according to my therapist it will emerge traumatic memories I’ve repressed and it can be an intense experience at first because he has to dig up those memories in order to “re-train” my brain on how to turn off my fight or flight mode.

I just want to feel normal again. I'm so tired...

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