Am I a codependent or a stressed out mom of an addict?
So how does one deal emotionally with an addict child? What is normal and what is not? I can’t help but feel heartache when I look at my son. I can’t help but feel lost and helpless. I think any parent would, right? I’m afraid if my son doesn’t get well, if he doesn’t fight and goes back to his drug fueled life I won’t know how to live mine. I afraid he is going to die. I so badly want to save him. The reality is I can’t save him… he has to save himself, and the reality to that is I have no control over that so I have to learn how to cope in healthier ways and set firm healthy boundaries with his current condition.
Codependents are people who let the feelings and actions of another person affect them to the point that they feel like they have lost control of their own lives. These are just some of the ways Codependency effects human lives.
- Excessive Care-taking: Codependents feel responsible for others’ actions, feelings, choices and emotional well-being. They try to anticipate loved one’s needs and often wonder why others do not do the same for them. YES this is me.
- Low self-esteem: Codependents are people who need to be needed. They will only feel important and valuable when they are helping others, and blame themselves for anything that goes wrong. Again this is me when it concerns my son.
- Denial: Codependents typically ignore, minimize or rationalize problems in the relationship, believing that “things will get better when….” They stay busy to avoid thinking about their feelings. The one thing I don’t do is stay busy. I break down and isolate myself from the world.
- Fear of anger: Codependents are afraid of both their own and their loved one’s anger, because they fear it will destroy the relationship. YES me again, I fear if I stress him out he will walk away and get worse.
- Health problems: The stress of Codependency can lead to headaches, ulcers, asthma and high blood pressure. ME written all over it. My health issues have increased the past two years.
- Addictive behavior: Codependents may themselves develop addictions in an attempt to deal with their pain and frustration. I'm addicted to my sons addiction.
I’m going this Thursday to my first meeting at Co-Dependents Anonymous.