It was a pretty fast process, he walked in registered got called back for vitals then 5 minutes later he got called into the back where he got a bed until he got a room upstairs. I was feeling somber. He's on probation now, this was the push I had hoped for. He knows if he tests dirty he will lose his plea bargain and will go to jail for 6 months.
I'll take whatever motivation gets him through the door.
As I sat there while the doctor talked to him, I thought I was prepared to hear what ever came out of his mouth. But then he said something that continues to echo in my head. The doctor asked "what are you currently using?" Al said 1 gram of heroin a day. The doctor replied "Are you using anything else like meth?" Al said "yes but not all the time, just a little here and there".
Heroin, Meth... my heart sunk. He's getting in deeper. How is he alive? How does your body survive that kind of abuse? As I sat there with him waiting, He kept holding my hand as if he was trying to comfort me. He was people watching and I could tell he was feeling anxious. He told the doctor he last used 6 hours ago. Withdrawals start somewhere in-between 8-12 hours.
As he held my hand I kept looking at his fingers. His hands still look like they did when he was a little boy. The same shape the same genteelness. I took his hand and laid it on top of my left hand, holding his hand out flat and patting his hand down with my right hand. All I could think of was.... how did we get here?? How is this going to end? I hugged him goodbye and told him "I'M SO PROUD OF YOU FOR COMING HERE! YOU CAN DO THIS SON. STAY STRONG, FIGHT THIS... I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!" He's squeezed me tight and assured me he was going to be OK.
I love him so much! Please GOD give him your healing touch. Take whatever strength I have left to give and give it to him. He needs it now more than ever.