Wednesday, May 6, 2015

Lies, Lies and More Lies

I got a call from Al's public defender on Monday. The prosecutor is still willing to offer him a plea bargain despite his missed court date. (Unbelievable) So I roll the dice and message Mia. (the girlfriend, because he has no phone) She thinks I'm stupid. I know he's with her. I've been told by several different people who seen him with her. She lies and its ridiculous. Her current lie... "I don't know where or how to find him, he calls and finds me." All I can do is shake my head and laugh, and play along. (because I have to, she's the only link to my son) Well needless to say she "found" him and gave him my message. (Shocking) This was the conversation that followed.

ME: I know we don't care for each other Mia but I just wanted to thank you for finding my son and giving him the message regarding the attorney. Please let him know if he needs a ride to the court to call me. I will take him... I love him with all my heart and soul. That will NEVER change.

MIA: I never had a problem with you Ana,, until I got called a whore,, and wished dead. I never thought this situation would get so out of control, because we've always been able to work thru it in the past, if for nothing or no one but Allen. I've come to forgive you for all the nasty words you said because I simply have no room for anger in this life anymore. I have to move forward in order to save my life , I can't keep negativity around me. And trust me, it wasn't easy realizing how wasteful it was to be angry with you. While it is absolutely unnecessary for ANYone to get talked to in the way I was, under any circumstance,, I also am woman enough to know it takes two to tango and I am in no way, shape, or form perfect. And Allen,, he knows all of that,, he never doubted it. Your son has an amazing. Big, beautiful heart that, personally,, i think can make any and everyone on this earth happy. I get how contagious that joy is, But when I look into his eyes, all I see is a War. I think he finally understands what this life brings and it's harsh realities , and he knows he's in for the long haul. I believe that scares him, and he deals with too many emotions that have sat dormant for far too long. Yet. With all this, He is a wonderful person who needs to simply figure out where his place in this world is.

ME: Yes, you are right. I allowed my anger to get the best of me. I have a lot of pined up feelings towards you and I guess your negative attitude and disrespect finally got the best of me. I'm grateful Steven was home to stop what could of been a bad situation get worse. I never hated you in fact I cared a lot about you,, then things went wrong. I apologize for my behavior I'm not proud of it. But so much has gone so wrong that the lines between who's right and who's wrong are blurry I can't see the truth ANYMORE. I wish I had the right words to say but I don't. My heart hurts so much for my son that nothing else really matters. I know he's lost. He's been that way for some time now. I know he needs a lot time to try and figure that out. I just pray he's doesn't lose himself.

God please forgive me, but I'm not ready to forgive her for all she's done. I JUST COULDN'T BRING MYSELF TO SAY THOSE WORDS TO HER!

I'm done with her! I could care less about how she feels about me. She does not matter to me anymore.

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