Saturday, March 21, 2015

Take A Good Look

I had his wallet he needed is to cash his check TONIGHT. Mind you it's 7pm all the banks are closed so that means he's going to a check cashing place. According to him he had to cash his check somewhere before 8 o'clock because he "had" to pay his phone bill. (Right) I was at a friends who lives far. He drove all the way out there with Mia... He looked dis-shoveled, his hair not brushed. My gut feeling said something was wrong. My friend walked him out... Mia was full of rage and slammed the car door on my friend. My friend said she looked horrible. (Deep deep long breaths Ana) I can't help but wonder is this the addict resurfacing or is it a new version of my son? Who ever he is... I don't know him. Two weeks ago he wasn't sure about their relationship. I quote "mom, im not sure if im going to be with her". Today... He wants to marry her? He's pushed his family and friends away again. Hes back to ignoring text messages and phone calls. Below is how our conversation went via text messages after he left...

Me: I wish you weren't so blind.

Al: Please don't start this

Me: Take a good look around you that's gonna be your life. Hope it's all you dreamed of because with her you'll lose everyone and you'll never be free.... It's your life. BTW...She called your Nina scolding her.

Al: Mom there is still hurt feelings around you an her cause there hasn't been any talks about apologizing to one another or any sort of talk at that and part is my fault cause I was going to set that up and I procrastinated but please don't act like your hate towards her isn't biased you try so hard to get everyone to hate her I had a serious conversation between a family member who is extremely close to me and said you try to get them to hate her cause they have influence in my life so please mom don't act like you just wanting to help me out when u hate her so bad you just want her out of my life. She doesn't even have Nina's number and hasn't called her I checked her phone history. Just like how you have all these hard feelings to her it goes both ways mom she can't be around you guys as we'll an needs time and space and I put her in a situation she never wanted to be in and shouldn't have even put her in that situation

Me: Then Nina is a liar? I'll be sure to share this with the family and I'm done.... Keep being her puppet. It's your life not mine... I'm done having to defend myself with my own son. And your wrong I don't hate her. It's to bad your so blind.

Al: You don't have to defend anything mom it is my life I love her and I am going to spend the rest of my life with her. ok mom you can say whatever you want and go ahead keep bringin the family in this when it's none of your guys business it seems everyone can respect that but mom u can lie like u don't despise her and u can think I'm blind but I'm not I know she has the best intentions for me and my future yeah we're human and we make mistakes like any couple but at the end of the day we love each other with every ounce of our souls and any mother would want that for her son some people spend there entire lives finding that.

Me: God bless this road your traveling. I'm letting you go, try and remember who I am... I love you and take care of yourself.

Al: Thank you mom. You can sit in the backseat mom or sit in the front seat I don't care cause I'm going to live my life mom I'd prefer you'd be there at my wedding and in my future kids lives but this is all up to you I love you don't forget that.

Me: I love you too monkey.... Don't you forget that either . I wish things where different.

I'm always the bad guy... ME.. Just ME! 

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