Tuesday, February 3, 2015

But...

Al came over today and went to Mia's house for a while. He came home and had dinner with me and his father... he's in the kitchen right now helping me with cleaning up the dishes. He told me on the way home he wants to try it again with Mia. He said getting to know each other sober is different and they want to give it one last try. He needs to TRY this for some reason. BUT....

I tried to tell him... two addicts never end up good. I said "you two are so different and at different levels of recovery. The thing is I don't believe she's fully recovered because she still thinks Marijuana is OK". Her dad did it with her when she was thirteen so I guess that makes OK even tho she's a heroin addict. My son on the defense says... "it's most likely gonna be legal in this state anyways, it's like alcohol and I know I can drink and be OK". >>>>>>>>> (I was screaming inside) I FUCKING HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE SAY THAT! And here sits my son saying this as he sits in a recovery home with drug addicts and alcoholics fighting for their life. I said calmly "yeah but just because it's legal does not mean you should or can do it. You're an addict son you can't do those kinds of things". He know this!!!

Every time he gets around Mia he looses sight of his personal goals and his views change and he starts talking about his future differently. It's like he forgets who he is or maybe he's just fooling us... maybe he's just fooling himself? I don't know?

WHY CAN'T HE SEE! Not to long ago I remember him saying to me... "I can't be around anyone who does any type of drugs, or drink... I know that now, I'm an addict".

I know I have to walk away from this... And I am! It's just so frustrating to watch him continue to computerize his sobriety. Is this part of the relapse thing! FUCK YOU DRUGS FUCK YOU RELAPSE!

A lesson we all have to learn the hard way I guess!

Dear GOD, If I lose my hope today please remind 
me that your plans are ALWAYS better than my dreams!







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