Friday, January 30, 2015

Mom I Have To Tell You Something

I need to get you up all up to speed... have a seat this will take a few minutes.

1/22/14 The day I posted about his 60 days of sobriety... my Al relapsed! That very night after he got off work HEROIN showed up. Two days after he made it two months! (DEEP long breaths Ana) Do you want know what the wonderful part is out of all this?? He hated it... he didn't enjoy it! He called me that Saturday morning to tell me but I missed his call and before I could call him back as I looked down at my phone at his name I got a bad feeling in my gut. I called him back and he answered I could hear it in his voice... he said "Mom I have to tell you something". My body turned numb, this warm numbing sensation ran though my body and it felt like everything around me was in slow motion...  I began to shake uncontrollably almost dropping the phone I said "What it is Al? What's wrong?" Before he utter a word I already knew, the words relapse flashed in my thoughts like a rolling banner: He Relapsed... prepare yourself, don't freak out Ana, remain calm! At that very moment he SAID IT... He told me... he told me everything. As he sobbed on the phone he was feeling so ashamed of himself, his voice was low I could barely hear him. I kept having to press the phone to my ear to try and hear him. At this point I didn't care what he was saying I just wanted to get to him. I was driving on the freeway going home at the time of the call, I turned the car around and headed straight to Crossroads. He told me he couldn't lie and confessed the night before (Friday night) at a meeting. I was so proud of him... he called me all on his own to tell me what happened and he told me the truth.The weird thing is I felt like he was going to be OK. I still feel that way!

1/26/14 His week has been ruff as he kept having to fight off his guilt and shame. He called me Wednesday night and said MOM I forgot tomorrow is my court date... I said in a calm voice, OK I'll pick up in the morning, don't worry, I'll be there. He needed a victory so I prayed and talked to God in my heart asking for strength come what may. Thursday morning I pick up him up bright and early. He looked so handsome walking to car, I just smiled. I felt calm and as soon as he got in the car I said to him... It's gonna be OK, today is going to be a great day son I got a good feeling!! He sat there nervously shaking his leg saying I hope so mom, thank you for coming, thank you for being here for me, really I mean that mom I love you. I put the car into drive and off we went! To make a long story short... he was the first one called, JUST so the judge can say "you're here great here's your court date!" It's almost comical if it wasn't so insulting to see our court system waste our hard working tax dollars! (rolling my eye in disgust) BUT the good in all this was he got assigned a new public defender Al literally met him as he walk into the court room this guy seemed to really care about his case and explained everything to us in detail. AGAIN with this good feeling I get, I really like him!

1/30/14 Today!! Today we met with his public defender. He was forthcoming and had a plan of action! We talked to him and agreed on a plan. Two hours later he calls Al to tell him he set the plan in action ALREADY! OK Mr I see you! WOW Thank you lord for placing all the right people at all the right moments. So now we wait for their answer!! UGH I hate the waiting! We went to lunch and had a burger, talked about everything under sun from family to friends, we had such a good afternoon together. Needless to say by this point we where emotionally wiped out and by the time we got home Al and I decided it was nap time!! HAHA He laid down in his room and I in mine and we both slept for hours! It was a perfect day for it to, it's cold and it's raining! I felt at peace as I laid in my bed with my comfy comforter drifting to sleep listening to the sound of the rain falling.  Ahhhhhhhhhh

Al is still here hanging out with us. He has to be back at Crossroads by 1am. He's laying in the living room with his dad watching movies. As I'm here in my office typing my blog entry I can hear his outburst of laughter, apparently the movie is funny! AND all I can think of is how lucky I am. When he laughs now it's this gitty chuckle from his gut laugh that make you laugh too, it real, it's genuine! We've had a week of ups and downs... but you know what? He's here with us on a Friday night!! He still fight his addiction with everything he's got and doing everything he can to set the road he on straight by taking accountability. Yeah... he's getting there people he's going to be OK!!! (Can you see me smiling?)

1 comment:

Heather said...

Praise God!!! God is good ALL the time! Love this!! I'm so proud of Al and proud of you for being so strong and giving it all to God. <3