Friday, January 16, 2015

The Biggest Obstacle

It's been an interesting week! (Smiling kind of) It's funny how things unfold. I say this because so much is happening around me right now. Some really tough things happening and I'm not freaking out about it, which is not the my normal reaction to stress. It's as if none of that matters anymore, forget about all the small stuff!! The small stuff is just so insignificant anymore in comparison to Al's battle. Having watched my son "walk through the valley of the shadow of death" literally with his drug use and come out of it bruised and shaken but not defeated has humbled me. To watch him battle daily with himself with all the gilt and the heart ache, the anger, frustration, fear, fear of the future and the unknown and all that stagnant regret truly makes me feel like I have nothing to complain about. REALLY, think about it! He's not only facing the biggest obstacle of his life with all the physically aspects of his heroin addiction BUT he's facing all the mental aspects of his addiction too, you know all the things you wish you could forget... the messy horrible things he's done and saw. I  personally I would crumble, I'm not that strong. But I thank God he is, thank God he's NOT like me in that way.

Al played this song for me the other day on our way back to Crossroads from a day of visiting with us. He said "mom I want you to listen t this song. It speaks to me, listen to the words." The words ARE the lyrics to his story. Hmmm... guts OVER fear that him, that's my boy!! 

Eminem - Guts Over Fear

"I was a... Afraid to make a single sound
Afraid I would never find a way out, out, out
Afraid I'd never be found
I didn't wanna go another round
An angry man's power will shut you up
Trip wires fill this house with tip-toed love
Run out of excuses for every word
So here I am and I will not run

Guts over fear, the time is near
Guts over fear, I she'd a tear
For all the times I let you push me 'round, I let you keep me down
Now I got, guts over fear, guts over fear"

He's got some pretty solid friends at Crossroads. They help him and they don't even know it. They are just like him so feels a kinship with them. When he talks about them his face lights up and for once in his life he doesn't feel so alone. Even though he had all of us... he still felt alone, there's nothing like finding your people. The ones who are just like you, it makes all the difference. At least in Al's case it does.

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