Al got a job too! He's a busser and a food runner at a nice restaurant called "Ztejas". When I called him last night to chat he said "I'm on a happy high mom" I said "do you mean a Jesus High?". He said "YEAH!! a Jesus high!! Life feels good, I'm clean, I love this recovery program, I got a job and I'm mending relationships with my family and I'm happy". I told Al... "I've never been more prouder of you than in this moment". He said "thanks mom, I'm trying". Ahhh... did you hear that? He's trying! Praise God... I give all the glory to you Lord!
I don't know how to describe how I'm feeling. I can FEEL the happiness brewing inside me almost to the point of crying but I haven't had that moment where I burst into tears yet? You know what I'm talking about... right? That moment when all your emotions of relief and happiness burst out of you in this heart felt sob. I'm happy at this very moment and it feels strange! I want that outburst, that long awaiting release of emotion believe it or not. I freaking need it!! BUT no, not happening. For six years I've felt nothing but anguish, and now I have none... ha-ha what the heck? It's like my heart is holding back on me. Perfect... I'm still pinning up my emotions. Oh well at least I'm happy!
I'm back on the heart monitor... I need to wear it for a month. The outcome of my heart situation is still undetermined. The funny things is I'm not scared... I'm OK with it... WHATEVER. Maybe it's peace I'm feeling, whatever it's called I'm OK come what may.