I had a stroke one week ago today.
I HAD A STROKE!
I can't believe it... It came out of nowhere shut me down in the middle of my work day. I know it's because I'm stressed beyond measure. All the reports the doctors did say I'm perfectly healthy, I have good blood pressure, I don't have high cholesterol and my heart's in good physical condition but yet I had a stroke. Perhaps it's because I'm depressed... there are no words to describe how my heart feels! To say it's broken into a million pieces is putting it lightly. I don't know how to turn it off, the heartaches and the sadness... it feels like this madness will never end. I'm scared now for my own well being my health is declining and I don't know how to stop this, I don't know how to turn it off...!! (Tears flowing) How do you move on with your life when your son is broken when he keeps killing himself? That's the million dollar question! For someone on the outside looking in it's easy to say you need to let him go you need to move on and try to be happy, you need to live your life. I get that I understand that and I want to be able to get by from day to day without my fucking stupid heart hurting!!!!!!!! But when I wake up and I look at my wall of pictures I see the boy lost and I yearn for him to come back home to come back to me drug free. (Crying)
It's never going to happen is it? I lost him to this evil world. My beautiful boy... Oh my sweet beautiful boy how I will miss you the real you!