On my way home that night as I was driving down the freeway my mind started to play a slide show of the last six years of my life. When things were so good and life was simple, through the progression of my sons addiction all the way up to the worst moment of my life... the day I fell into a deep pit of despair. It was the day when I found dozens and dozens of those 4x4 square sheets of burnt foil with that perfect swirl of heroin residue on it shoved in his dresser drawer like they were nothing. It was in that very moment I realize I lost him to his addiction and that he had been gone for some time now, he was 19 years old at the time. Somewhere between then and now I lost myself... and I could no longer hear God.
My therapist asked me a good question recently and it kind of goes hand and hand with this class. He said to me... your whole world revolves around your children, it's obvious that this is what motivates you in life, they are what you live for. Then he asked the question that I still have yet to answer "Who Is Ana, who are you without your sons?".... Whoa, wait... WHAT? What do you mean? Oh my gosh, wait WHO AM I? When I was asked that question I paused for a moment and said "I don't know?" I giggled nervously and said to my therapist "I really don't know who I am anymore". Maybe this is why I feel so empty.
Do you know who you are?