Monday, July 7, 2014

Although It’s Peaceful Up There...

Last week we took a little vacation up north and rented a cabin. It’s the same area were we have camped for years with our boys since they were little. It holds so many good memories for me of our family camping. All the fishing, camp fires and smores, chopping wood, nature hikes, star gazing and sleeping in our pop up tent with flashlights because it was pitch dark at night. It was the ideal vacation spot for rambunctious boys who loved the good old outdoors.   

Although it’s peaceful up there with nothing to do but take in the beautiful weather and picture perfect scenery. Time slows down up there and for most people that’s a welcomed change of pace, but for me that’s a dangerous thing. The problem is all that idle time you get to “rest and relax” leaves a lot of time for thinking. And we all know there’s only one thing I think about these days and that’s my addicted son. By the third day I could feel my depression rising, I tried so hard to clear my mind but nothing worked because of the condition he’s in right now has me worried not to mention everything about that place reminded of him. By the time we got home at the end of the week I was holding back my tears and I was extremely agitated. Ha… there’s no getting away from it for me. My heart always aches with worry for Al. There’s no getting around it.

I feel guilty for not being able to enjoy our vacation to the fullest. I just don't know how to move on in this life knowing he's in this condition. How do you do it? Is that even possible or am I just a basket case? What's wrong with me? Although I see a glimpse of hope, I still don't see the ending. I think that's what bugs me the most.


courtsmom said...

I'm sorry you couldn't enjoy your time away. This life as a POA just isn't fair play.

I am seeking the same answers...most of all when and how will it all end?

I've found your blog to be very inspirational. Please know that even though you can't help Al, you are helping others.

Prayers for brighter days.

Al's Mom said...

You just made my day! Thank you for that... that means a lot to me.


Liz said...

You are a MOM... Us Mom's don't ever get over it. We can never relax and enjoy anything completely anymore until our babies are well. It will always be there nagging at us to DO SOMETHING, even thou we've tried it all. I go to work and live my life by faking a smile but I really do suffer inside. I will never be right again, and I've come to terms with it. Just praying for the time she stays well forever.

Al's Mom said...

Me too Liz... me too my friend!