Yesterday was mothers day. Most people I know celebrated the day with their moms and family. I however wanted to crawl in bed and just sleep and drift away in my dreams. My fear was Al wouldn't show up, that he would forget. He's done that to me a few times already. In my normal day to day life I can typically just blow it off as I've done in the past but on Mother's Day it would have crashed me. But I pealed myself out of bed and took my mother to breakfast, came home and relax with my family preparing myself just in case he didn't show. Al finally made it to the house about 4:45 just in time for dinner. We ate and watched TV, he even snuggled with me on the couch and fell asleep in my arms like old times. My boys are young men but they still finds comfort in my arms just as I find comfort in their arms. It's almost like a warm soft plush blanket fresh out of the dryer, wrapped nice and snug around you type of feeling. There's nothing greater than that feeling... NOTHING!
I couldn't help but noticed that Al looked dirty. I can't help it, I'm very vigilant when it comes to Al. He taught me to be this way... a long time ago! His hair now out of control, mismatched cloths as if he literally just picked up whatever was on the floor and threw it on. Old dirty converse with no socks. He had that black soot smudged on his arms, hands, fingers, nails, neck and eyes and even in his ears. Not a lot but enough to look a little dirty. He looks thin, has that greyish skin tone and he still has that awful cough. What that tells me is he's still smoking heroin and doing it so much that he's starting to not care about how he looks anymore. I can't help but wonder if or when he will start injecting it next. That's the next step they say?! (big sigh) In comparison from today to a year ago the change in his appearance is dramatic. A year ago I have a picture of him with his hair short and combed neatly, his cloths are color coordinated and trendy. He was doing drugs then too but obviously something has shifted, transmogrify. I have this horrible feeling inside, as if something fatal is going to happen to him. I've had this feeling since his drug abuse started but these feeling seems to be getting worse lately.