Thursday, April 24, 2014

There's No Getting Around It

Sometimes I get panic attacks. Certain things trigger it. For instance Al had a court date Tuesday and he was supposed to stop by afterwards to talk to me about it and he never showed up. I texted and called and he didn't return my calls or messages for two days. My panic starts in immediately when he takes to long to call me back. I start to think of worst case scenario! I get anxious and overwhelmed.

Therapy helps... and i've come along way. I just wish he would get help. I can't help but worry day in and day out about him. I can't bear the thought of him engaging in his habits. When I finally get a grip the toll has already taken effect. I get fatigued to the point where I just need to stop whatever I'm doing and lay down for a while. I literally pass out into a deep sleep, it's as if my body just shuts down. I get a headache and my stomach is in knots, it takes me a day or two to feel somewhat normal again. Stress... it eats me alive.

However, I do manage to get back up. He ends up calling or coming by and life continues. There's no getting around it, this is just how is and this is how it has to be for now. Until he get's the help he needs I guess I just need to do what ever is necessary to get though it. Oh my love... my darling boy I'm trying to be strong.

1 comment:

Liz said...

Oh my heart goes out to you. I completely understand every emotion... Please take care of yourself.