Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Will I Ever Get Him Back

Today was a bad day... I kept thinking of him today. Actually he's been on my mind heavily all week, more so than normal. It seems as if I can't avoid the talk about drugs lately. Stories of people on heroin and dying from it seems to be coming out of nowhere? It blows my mind! As I was driving home on my way to pick up Junior from school my mother called me. She had that tone in her voice as if something was bothering her. She can't fool me! I know she was afraid to tell me the news about a family members loved one because of Al's situation, but I think she knew there was no avoiding it. She told me reluctantly about the latest tragedy. My brother-in-law's brother died last night due to complications in his health, due to his long life battle with drugs. Heroin was his drug of choice towards the end. He used so much heroin at one time it caused lung and kidney damage. His health deteriorated and he was extremely fragile and was on dialysis for about a year. Apparently he struggled badly with sobriety and would disappear on and off during his treatments. He caught a common cold and died because his body was just too weak to fight it. He was only 45 years old.

So what does that say for my son? Is this what I'm facing, years and years of watching him struggle only to watch him die? This so unfair! I'm so sick of everything! The stress alone should kill me!! I walk by his pictures on my wall missing him so bad it hurts. I feel as if I'm already mourning his death. I already lost him four years now... I feel like someone has kidnaped my son because he's been mentally gone for so long now. Will I ever get him back?

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