Sunday, November 17, 2013

Praying Helps My Soul

I finally got in touch with my family about doing a prayer group. I feel like this is the only way to help him. I'm lucky because I have family who love him and is willing to support us. I think in a way it helps us all emotionally to do something that feeds our soul. So praying is our weapon of choice. I'm praying to the blessed mother of  Jesus Christ to petition on our behalf our prays for Al's recovery from his addictions. I feel a connection with her because she's a mother like me. In my heart I believe she can relate to the sorrow I have for my son. And maybe she can also send me some courage to deal with this in a better way.

I lost my faith for a short time at one point. I had a nervous break down. I finally felt it in my heart that the influence I had or thought I had with my son was over and I hit an all time low. He has a girlfriend who shares his addiction and she will do anything for him even provide. I couldn't stop crying the day he was asked to leave our home. A week prior I found multiple 5x5 sheets of foil with odd swirly lines on it. I knew something was up because he would always have black soot on his face and fingers. He looked pail and thin but he would tell me nothing was wrong. One day my youngest son couldn't find his shorts and I thought maybe I mixed them with Al's  when I did laundry so I went in there room and opened his dresser drawer and there it was. Bunches of those burnt foils in two of his drawers. My body turned numb with fear. I got angry and I went though every nook and cranny of that room and found traces of his drug of choice everywhere. Cut up straws and cut up pens with burnt ends and tons of lighters. It's been a little over a month since I seen him or heard from him. And even with him gone the surprises keep coming. I found out though Facebook that my son purposed to her. What?? I know my son, he's feeling abandoned and alone and she's right there with him patting him on the back saying all the wrong things he wants to hear. His proposal is tainted and done out of pure loneliness. As I shook my head and shrug my shoulder all I could think of was two months ago his plans where to leave for Tucson at the end of this school year and they would go their separate ways because he had a dream to go to UofA and he wanted to do it alone. In one months time he has voided his family out of his life and threw away the goals and dreams he had planed for his future.

Thanks for listening,
Al's Mom


ktf said...

I too, feel like I have had a nervous's all very very painful.

Not sure said...

It's nice having someone to talk to during this time. Therapy helps me a great deal. There's nothing wrong with talking to one.

Al's Mom said...

Thanks for the support! If I learned one thing out of all of this is talking about it helps... reading about it helps. Knowing and hoping one day this will be over with.